Yeah so everybody knows how viral marketing works now, it’s been around since the producers of The Blair Witch Project killed a bunch of people and left CD Roms with the movie trailer next to their mutilated victims. It’s clever and fun advertising that gets people to do the whole ‘word of mouth’ thing that gives corporate marketing departments big stiffys. I’ve been to a couple of sweet commercial events this year, and they are great because you, the internet savvy freeloader, get to take advantage of some shitty company’s advertising budget. Some of you may have attended the whereis.com Paint Party in February. I’m not entirely sure how getting people shitfaced in a warehouse, covering them in paint, and having a sweet scratch dj lay down some party choonz was meant to get them to use the poor mans version of Google Maps, but sweet fucking lord was it fun. Nothing like pouring free beer over drunk, hot, paint slathered girls, getting naked and making out – all on corporate coin.
Tonight I went to a more family friendly promotional event, which I’m passing along the info to anyone who likes eating free pizza (everybody). A week or so ago a certain phone directory company launched www.hiddenpizza.com.au. Advertised was a secret pizza place with a fairly enticing offer, free pizza from April 12-25. All you have to do work out where it is, following their cryptic clues!!
Anyway fuck it, it’s at 285 Brunswick St, Fitzroy and the number to call to order is 1300615786. It’s open from 5:30-10:30pm every day for the next two weeks and they offer one free pizza per day, per customer. The menu is on the website. I had the Prawn. Was damn tasty.
What I found funny is that the clue is “finding the restaurant is easy, just look it up the way you would any other business“. The apparent correct answer is ‘use the yellow pages’ however I just googled it (my honest answer) and it took me straight to some bargain listing website with more info on it than the yellow pages one. Proof of how redundant the yellow pages is now days, and why they should stop wasting massive amounts of paper distributing their hard copy directory to every home every year, which proceeds to either collect dust or be used as an effective weapon by wife beaters. Thanks for the free food, cunts.
This is not actually the free pizza, just a flyer.
The location was right near my work, so I figured hey, I’m broke, my time is worth nothing to nobody, its cold and windy, and pizza is warm and delicious. Sold!
I was the first one there, just before 5.30, and figured I would be escorted straight in for my free pizza. Mmm, not quite. Thanks to yellow pages being huge whopping cunts and wanting to push the whole ‘look up a phone number’ thing I had to call the number, wait for an operator to ask what pizza I wanted, then be SMSd a code to enter. Problem was they were having problems with the phone line. So I had to wait it out in the cold for 30 minutes, outside a Fitzroy alleyway, shooting the shit with the doorbitch (nice guy, but wouldn’t let me in for pizza till I had that fucking code).
"Sorry mate, you can't eat pizza here with those shoes on"
So after a frustrating 15 or so redials and a 7 minute hold, I finally got to order my prawn pizza, and was was granted my entry code, which turned out to be my mobile number for fucks sake.
The walk in was pretty cool, albeit creepy. I was one of the first people in and there were all the promotion staff standing in an entrance to the seedy building, staring at me, smiling. I was either about to receive some first class service or be auctioned off on the white slave trade. I had to go in an industrial elevator to the basement. You know, the cool ones that are clunky and need to have the door pulled down manually. It was a very neat venue, I have always loved the industrial aesthetic.
Moments before the blood sprinklers started raining down onto vampires dancing to bad techno.
I had been given a ticket for my pizza, which was cooked really fast (thank god) and was handed to me cheerily by one of the cooks. The decor was pretty fucking awesome. Everything looked hand made, right down to a wheely bin made out of wood. The back was was entirely constructed of yellow pages books, and it was nice to see them actually being used for something for once.
This is actually a subtle racist commentary on the Great Wall of China.
I sat down to eat my pizza, which was completely free besides from the 40 minutes I had wasted waiting for it, and the $5s worth of phone calls. It was, as previously stated, quite tasty.
Best pizza I've had, in a factory basement in Fitzroy, ever!
So I recommend going down for some free eatz. Just make sure you fuck around with the calling bullshit before you do, because the pizza is cooked once you arrive so you just need to show up with your code and walk straight in.
These are a lot of words to write about pizza, so be greatful.
