Dear Leader Kim Jong Il lies slumped across his sick bed clutching at his sternum. His pancreas inflamed with cancer, doctors push stethoscopes against his lower chest trying to detect if the cancer is on the move. The best hope now is to push the cancer into one corner of the pancreases using an experimental magnet technique whereby metal shards are injected into the cancer and then used to corner it before extraction.
Jong Il looks across the room there waiting is his three sons, the oldest a traitor who would run to Japan at the first chance he got if airport officials weren’t forewarned, the middle son a homosexual and unfit for anything other than ridicule and his youngest son the shining light and only logical successor.
They say buried underneath Mao Zedong’s body inside his mausoleum lies a vial of Mao’s blood, drained from his body before it was pumped full of embalming fluid. Jong firmly believes this vial and only this has the ability to cure his sickness. A special envoy of Jong’s most trusted communists has been dispatched from Pyongyang to Beijing to negotiate purchase of the blood. Jong has stiff opposition though from sick former Cuban leader Fidel Castro who also seeks the sweet relief of Mao’s type O. One thing is sure when it comes to dead communist leader blood it is a sellers market, they just aren’t making them like they used to.
Voice of Reason, reporting from Pyongyang, North Korea.
